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December, 2009:

Filling in the blanks, continued

We arrived at the mansion, a three level home hidden behind a high brick wall.  Guarding the entrance was a huge dog, perhaps half St. Bernard, half German Shepherd.  He was kept in a large cage near the front door.  As soon as he heard us coming up the walk, he began barking and a terrified Karen refused to continue.  We finally got her through the front door and into the foyer. 

From what I have seen, Russian homes rely on the kitchen as the sitting room. Most homes are small, so all rooms become bedrooms.  This house didn’t lack space, but we were still ushered into a kitchen the size of 2 Israeli living rooms.  There were two large tables.  Sasha motioned us to sit, and the woman cooking brought us soup for lunch.  As always, Karen asked for the bathroom, and this was our first sign that the house was far from normal.  The toilet was on the ground floor and included a pool of water that was bigger than a jacuzzi, smaller than a pool, and looked very much like a Mikve (Jewish ritual bath).  Karen squealed with joy, thinking this was the bathtub she had been waiting for!  In Israel, we have water rationing and we use a shower to save water.  I promised Karen as many baths as she wanted in Ukraine.

Needless to say, we soon discovered that only the toilet was for our use.  When we indicated that we wanted to bathe after a 16 hour train ride and then half a day spent meeting our “team” and visiting the baby home, we were ushered into a small bathroom with a tub surrounded by more products than you will find in a sorority house. 

We discovered that the house belongs to a wealthy Jewish widow who was in the US visiting her son, the doctor (of course).  There was a dry sauna, which was also closed to our use.  The cook showed us to a rooftop garret with two sofa beds.  The wooden stairs leading up to it were as steep as a ladder and we needed to climb down two full flights to use the only bathroom made available to us.  Further, we soon discovered that the fridge was empty and the lunch we ate was the last edible thing the cook prepared.  We later found a fridge in the garage with some eggs in it, and I made omelets the next day after the cook tried to feed us some sort of meatball that was deep fried in rancid oil.

The widow, Marina’s, living quarters appeared to be on the second floor and included a large sitting room, and at least two other doors, probably a bedroom and private bathroom.  The doors were closed so we didn’t see them.  The entire house was painfully over decorated with stuffed animals of every genus, crystal, china, and knickknacks.  Marina apparently loves the USA since we found American flags and other memorabilia everywhere.  This photo of us with George Bush, and a life-size Marina portrait in the background, was in our garret.

To add to our discomfort, there was no Internet, and this “mansion” was in a totally residential area with no Internet cafe, or even a grocery store in walking distance.  We realized we had to leave, but had no one to speak English with, and no idea how to go about finding a new place.

Photo of the day

Today we couldn’t visit Matan.  They were having important guests attending a New Year’s celebration for the children.  The baby home director asked us to wait until tomorrow to visit.  We spent the day walking around downtown Lugansk. 

Filling in the blanks

So what happened during our “lost days”, while we were offline?  Actually, it all happened over Christmas so no one really noticed we were shut down.

On the day we arrived in Lugansk, after meeting Matan and completing his medical exam, we needed a place to stay.  Now this is one of the major cash cows for the facilitator, who usually gets a cut.  In most cases they present you with an apartment, a daily price, and you can either take it, or go to a hotel.  The hotel option is terrible for two reasons.  First, you can’t cook and with Karen, it is even more important that we have a kitchen.  Second, when you go to a hotel, you must first show ID. Only after you show your passport, are you given the price.  Basically, if you are foreign, a hotel starts at 100 EUR + per night.  When you consider that we will be here for a minimum of 25 days, you begin to see that the initial agency fee is only one part of  the overall expense. 

Our goal then, is to find a reasonably priced apartment with a gas range and washing machine that is reasonably clean and an easy walk to shopping, especially a supermarket.  We can survive in a Studio, but are better off with a 1 bdrm.

At the end of our meeting between  our driver, Sasha (who speaks no English), and our agency director, the director told us that Sasha had a fantastic place for us to stay “only” 80 USD a night in a 3 level mansion with a full time cook who would prepare all meals for us and do our laundry.  Sounds great, right?  Keep in mind that when we adopted Karen, we had a Studio apartment that cost us only 25 USD a night, but had no washing machine, and it was filthy.  Not someplace I would be willing to stay with Karen, although it met our needs at the time.

We explained to our agency director that while it sounded wonderful, DH really doesn’t like the local cuisine, and we would prefer a simple place where we can cook our own food.  Our director told us not to worry, that Sasha would look after us, and then he left.  Sasha motioned us to the car, and took us to the mansion.

Too be continued…..

Our next visit to the baby home

We had an interesting 3 days, during which we were not able to visit Matan.  I do want to tell you all about the those days, but since we were offline and the time is lost, I’ll have to post about them later.

Today we finally got to visit him again.  Our driver is apparently trying to save money and will only be taking us to the baby home once a day, in the mornings from 10-12.  When we adopted Karen, we had two such visits a day, but it was sometimes tough since caretakers were always watching and we felt like we were under a microscope, if only because we were foreigners.  

This morning, our translator, Violetta, called, telling us to be ready in 20 minutes!  I was still in bed in sweats.  Needless to say, it was not my finest morning.   The rush was because we needed to go to the notary, then to the courthouse, and only then to visit Matan.  But I sucked it up and made it in 30 minutes, with DH taking responsibility for getting Karen together.

We finally made it to the baby home.  One difference is that we have not been asked to bring Pampers for Matan to wear during our visits.  Apparently the baby home supplies them, wow!

After being led to a door with sounds of children coming from within, we were told to wait.  The door was slightly ajar, so I tried to get a look only to have a caretaker close it in my face.  It looked like their beds and eating area was one and the same.  We were lucky with Karen since there our facilitator was a close friend of the baby home director, and they allowed us to see the hildren at play, and eating.  This went a long way in helping me understand Karen’s initial food issues.  The children were force-fed, one at a time.  If the c hild tried to slow down or stopped with a gag, dinner was over.  Needless to say, Karen can dawdle for ages over a meal, and never liked to be fed by me. 

We heard a kid crying and screaming, and worried it was Matan who didn’t want to come out.  No reason to worry.  They eventually brought him out and he lit up with a smile a I reached for him.  He is very easy going, and lets me touch him and rub his belly.  Karen wouldn’t even sit near me for the first few weeks of visits!

To Michal, who has seen the playroom, yes, it is very nice and has lots of toys.  You can tell he’s not used to seeing these things because he tries to run and touch everything.  He is only beginning to walk, and I need to hold his hand to keep him from running so fast he pitches forward on his face.  Not something we want to happen when the Svetlana of the hour is watching.

This last photo is of the ceiling of the special playroom for foreigners.  The room is covered by plaster cut-outs of sky and clouds surrounded by spotlights. Anyone who has ever been to Ukraine can tell you how completely decadent this is, considering the average lifestyle.

Internet, so-so

Just an FYI to our friends and relatives, the Internet connection we are using is intermittent at best.  If you are trying to Skype us, and we appear offline, it means we have lost our connection.  Luckily, we have an Internet cafe downstairs, so I will be updating here, as usual.

We visited Matan today, and took some photos.  I’ll post more shortly.

A model baby home

It was now almost lunch time, but we really wanted a chance to spend some time with Slavi/Matan, so we returned to the baby home after filing some paperwork with the notary.  The notary office will soon become  a second home to us since Ukraine requires lengthy notarization for all legal papers.

When we returned, one of Matan’s caretakers directed us to a playroom.  After removing our shoes, Karen charged into the adjoining room with Matan close on her heels.  We followed them into a  huge room that was decked out for the children’s Christmas party. Christmas here is only on January 7th (Russian Orthodox).

One of the caretakers pointed us towards a piano, and opened it, indicating that the children could play.  I was amazed since such delicate and expensive items are usually off-limits to children.  With a huge grin, Karen started banging on the keys.  She quickly modified her style when I told her that we must play gently if we wanted them to allow us to continue playing.  Matan quickly followed her lead, and the three of us experimented with different keys for a few minutes.  Then they were both off looking for something more interesting.

After Karen played around with the camera a bit, they both dashed into the adjoining room to play with more toys.  Matan was thrilled to have me help him sit astride a “car”, while he experimented with rolling in different directions.   Between Karen and myself, we took a bunch of photos.  I tried picking out my favorites to share here.

Welcome to Lugansk

After a fun-filled night aboard a Ukrainian national railways glorious 2nd class carriage, we arrived at our destination tired and ruffled.  Sasha, our new driver, met us at the station and took us, along with Leonid, our agency director, straight to the baby home.  It quickly became apparent that Sasha spoke not a word of English.   Luckily, our agency guy was still with us.  It also became clear that Leonid was totally unfamiliar with the system in Lugansk and that we were all at the mercy of Sasha.  

The baby home was absolutely stunning.  I say this without an ounce of sarcasm.  We went to the baby home director’s office and after some sweet talk between her and our team, a little boy was brought in and our doctor, who met us at the baby home, began his examination.  The child was tiny, and even the Christmas candy the director gave him, didn’t seem to excite him much. 

As the exam progressed, Karen started crying.  The boy, nicknamed Slavi (short for some very long Russian name that I will not try to write out until I get a translated document to work from), also started to tear up.  He didn’t cry, but his chin trembled, and he looked about to gush.  I was hugging Karen, and whispered to her that if she kept crying, he was going to cry too.  Like magic, she quickly got control and he also seemed less unhappy. 

 The baby home director then let us hold him, and play with him a bit.  Karen joined in and the four of us were quickly huddled around a hobby horse that Slavi really seemed to enjoy because he finally smiled directly at me!

Karen loved the Christmas decorations and this is the first photo we took of her in front of a Christmas tree there.

The first visit was cut short as Slavi was taken to have blood drawn.  We also had to run to some government office to file paperwork immediately.  After wards, we returned for a more lengthy visit.  I’ll update shortly with details and photos…..to be continued.

Introducing, Matan!

Karen calls him Matani-Matoki.  Shhh, don’t anyone tell DH that I uploaded a photo.

Rakevet Laila L’Lugansk

We managed to hop aboard the train with just minutes to spare.  Sergey led the way, with DH following close behind and Karen and I bringing up the tail.  We were soaking wet from the rain, shoes soaking from slip sliding as we ran from the parking lot to therminal and then to the correct train and carriage.

We got a second class “cell” with 4 pallets.  First class only had 2 pallets per compartment, so Sergey bought us 4 tickets to ensure our privacy.  I call it a cell because apparently there are old trains and new ones.  Our old one looked like nothing less than a prison cell.  The only thing missing was the en suite toilet.  Instead, we used a common toilet at one end of our train carriage.  Needless to say, the slosh pit was putrid and I practically had a fit when Karen touched anything in there with her hands.  We used a lot of antibacterial concoctions.  I sprayed the seat, covered it in paper, and lifted Karen onto it.  All without falling as the train swayed, chuga-chuga along.

Our agency director was in a first class carriage, and he helped us by ordering food and tea for us.  It took two hours, but we finally got food.  We took some fantastic photos, but due to Internet constraints, I can’t upload photos at this time.  More about that later.  This link gives an overly attractive view: http://www.seat61.com/Ukraine2.htm#trains but the reality is not nearly as appealing.  The compartment quickly became overheated.  They have a thing for overheating here.  Apparently they believe that the hotter it is, the healthier.  Personally, I’m not fond of saunas, and sleeping in 30 deg. C. heat makes me ill.  Finally, around midnight, we figured out how to open a window.   All in all, Karen got a good 7 hours of sleep.  DH and I managed at least 3-4 uninterrupted.

Update: DH is now allowing me to upload small photos.  You can see we are having fun.  These photos are from the first 1-2 hours…..

Still in suspense

Our appointment went well today.   We now have a referral for a little boy in Lugansk.  His birthday is April 6, 2008.  He looked very cute in the photo and is listed as healthy but quiet.  Hmmm, now THAT will be a change for us – the quiet part.  Karen is a non-stop walking, talking dynamo.

We are taking a sleeper train to Lugansk (Luhansk).  It’s a 16 hour ride.  Karen is very excited.  Our doctor is expected to fly in shortly after we arrive to conduct complete physical and developmental examinations and blood tests.  It is the same early childhood development specialist who examined Karen 3 years ago.  We trust his judgement and professionalism.  I’m starting to get nervous at the idea of parenting 2 children.  I know it will be fine, but how on earth do you get  of them dressed and into car seats to go anywhere?  I thought it was a challenge with Karen alone!

Karen already told me she expects to cry when we meet him like she did when we met the girl.  She explained it was because she is afraid we will love him more.  Pretty advanced explanation and planning on her part.  I am surprised she’s letting us know ahead of time that she will be upset. We talked about it a bit today, and I’m sure we will do a lot more reassuring along the way.