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January, 2010:

Today he said “Abba”

Jan 30th, 2010
by Zendette.
6 comments
Together

First, thank you Dana for posting your soup recipes! We’re eating a lot of soup these days. Matan eats anything with a mushy consistency. Got any pie recipies? I’ve been suffering from a terrible sweet cravings, especially the sweet-sour of an apple and cranberry pie with lots of cinnamon, that sort of thing is making me drool. I tried to satisfy it in Ukraine when I saw a cherry pie at McDonalds. It looked perfect, but had that plasticy aftertaste that makes you realize why they only cost a buck.

Matan is such an easy child to be with compared to our experience with Karen at the same stage. Obviously, it helps that we were more prepared, emotionally this time. We think its a combination of two very different personalities and also very different levels of QOC (quality of care) in the baby homes.

Karen was rebellious from the beginning, and very standoff-ish, physically. Unlike many baby home children, she didn’t throw herself into the arms of the first smiling adult she saw. Her baby home was no where near the level of his, both in terms of facilities, and warmth from the caretakers.

Matan easily makes, and maintains eye contact with me. He enjoys pleasant sensory stimulation, and always wants to be held and pampered. Karen didn’t want to be held or helped if she could help it. One of her favorite phrases was, “me, alone (I WILL do it myself)”

He experienced warmth from his caretakers, something that really impressed me at his baby home. I’m really glad that Karen got to spend time there because it means she has developed a positive view of her early life.

They’re sleeping now. She’s going to bed much more easily than ever before. She’s tries her best to keep quiet so as not to disturb Matan. It’s unbelievable how much of a maternal instinct she exhibits with him. Having him join our family has brought a new, and very positive balance to our family relationships. Matan brings out the maternal instinct in almost everyone. He’s pretty amazing that way

The kids settle in

Jan 28th, 2010
by Zendette.
5 comments

Nothing could have prepared me for the maternal energy flowing thru me.  It feels wonderful, and totally new to me.

When we brought Karen home, we were both too freaked out about suddenly becoming parents to a rebellious 2 year old.  Friends who know Karen, know that she is incredibly warm and loving, but she’s not always easy.  She was rebellious from the beginning, even when we visited her twice a day to play with her at the baby home in Kremenchuk.

The interaction between Karen and Matan is really great.  Last night she ”read” him a bedtime story.  She sat with the book, and made up the text as well as she remembered.

Today her class threw her a welcome home party.  One of the teachers adores Karen.  She organized the party, and all the kids got to ask Karen questions about what it was like in Ukraine.  She managed to get through it very maturely, even though she seemed a bit nervous at first.  At least this time she participated, unlike at some of the school parties where even though she was great in all the rehearsals, she doesn’t want to perform in front of too many people – 35 kids and their attending parents.

The kids really missed her, and her “adventure” has made her an attractive property.  Now everyone suddenly wants to be her friend.  Apparently Ukraine has become a wonderful fantasy location to the kids at Gan Asaf.  They think that the “Ukraine is made up of lots of snow”. “It’s so cold you need to hurry up”.  And they all know that there is a GREAT gymboree there with trampolines and other cool kiddie stuff.

With Matan, watching his sensory realization grow is so interesting.  We are slowly, slowly, introducing people and places nearby.  1 day of sensory stimulation and then a 1 day break quietly at home.  Today he stayed home, but had to deal with me being gone for 2 chunks of time - to attend Karen’s party and to run an errand.  DH said he missed me a lot and got fussy.  He was a bit fussy all evening after I got home to feed him and put him to sleep.  He was already showing signs of being hungry at 5:30-6 so we tried to feed him a banana, but he didn’t really want that.  I fed him at 7pm, the same time he ate at the baby home each day.  He ate up a storm, and love the blended, cooked vegetable base I used to add a broken up meatball and some rice to make a thick meal for him.  My MIL is coming to visit and meet him on Saturday.  She’s bringing us a second installment of the foods he likes that she cooked – her meatballs and the vegetable soup I use to bind it all.

Welcome Home Party

Today’s photo is from the surprise party her classmates threw for her.  I took long videos and tried to capture most of the event so DH could see how mature she was throughout.  She didn’t fidget too much, and apart from some initial nerves, mostly seemed to enjoy the event.  It was really moving to see her friends come up and offer her their blessings/congratulations.  I can’t post the videos, too much, too heavy, and probably mostly of interest to us and great material for her bat-mitzva!

The return

Jan 27th, 2010
by Zendette.
6 comments

Matan meets my Safta

Ahhhhhh, such a soft landing. My inlaws re-arranged the apartment, stocked our home with food, and Matan is wonderful, such a good and happy little boy.

I’m still in a “zone” stage. I just take care of him, and my husband runs all the errands to get our life back in place and complete the paperwork we need here for Matan to get health insurance, etc. I haven’t even called work yet (note to self – to do).  Karen went back to school today.

Karen has a lot of celebrations coming up.  We missed her birthday while we were away, so now she’ll be having birthday parties once we get settled in.  Her ganenet is giving her a surprise, welcome home party from the kids at kindergarden.  She also just got a boxload of late Hanukka gifts that my mom sent last month, but which didn’t arrive until the day after we left.  So she’s the one getting all the gifts.  I don’t actually need any gifts for Matan at this point.  Anything he plays with makes him happy.  I hope this attention keeps her from feeling  much jealousy.   She enjoys playing with him some of the time.  She is still a bit rough with him, and is always trying to pick him up, but she also feels responsible for him.  This morning she said to me, as if explaining to a child, “But Ima, he just doesn’t understand”

We are all getting used to this new life. I’m very, very lucky.  It’s sunny and warm, feels like spring outside. Poor Matan’s eyes have rarely, if ever, seen direct sunlight, and it totally disorients him. Photos to come.

And yes, I do want to keep blogging.  This has been a great experience.

Karen, before going to gan this morning

HOME!!!!!!!!!!

Jan 26th, 2010
by Zendette.
15 comments

It feels like we just returned from an extended military mission.   Unbelievable what my in-laws did with our apartment.  They TOTALLY reworked our furniture to work with the two-kids-in-one-room situation.  It looks like a brand new apartment!

The fridge is full, both of daily necessities, and delicacies prepared by my mother in law.  There is a welcome home cake on the table, and a welcome home sign when we walked in.  The apartment is covered in welcome home balloons, the kids are ecstatic!

Our apartment was full of little things DH’s parents, brothers and sister did to make it the best possible use of space and design.  They rock.  I can’t picture a more wonderful family to have married into.

And we also love our dear friends, Tal and Sagit, who helped us keep the faith from beginning to end.  I hope they know how much we love them.  They even called us on our Ukrainian cell phone as we were waiting to board, to give us a final pep talk.  We would pep for the short, but challenging flight ahead.  More on that later.

And also our neighbors, the wonderful Breznik family, who were always happy to provide support and encouragement.  They also decorated our apartment with balloons so the first thing both kids saw when we walked in was bunches of balloons and a “Welcome Home” sign.

Actually I thank every one who commented, emailed or who I just knew was out there - without all of you, I’d have no reason to verbalize, and that was a most cathartic part of this process.

We love you all!

Lovely

Jan 25th, 2010
by Zendette.
No comments yet

The radiation measures are stable. They do not exceed the norms in the ground and in the water. The average radiation level is 0.012 mR/hr in Kyiv, 0.011 mR/hr in Kyiv Oblast, and 0.017 mR/hr in Chornobyl (the acceptable level is 0.080 mR/hr).

Finally, Kiev!

Jan 24th, 2010
by Zendette.
3 comments
KidsinKiev

Lots to post, but kind of hard with 2 young children and one 41 y.o. to take care of until we are finally out of here.  We are actually quite comfortable in our 2 rm apt.  Here are two photos of the view from our apartment.

View from our apartment in Kiev

You can see that in spite of the snow, it’s very sunny, unlike the 90% of our time Ukraine when it was just cold and grey.   Most of the buildings in the center of town could easily date back to WWII, and it’s hard not think of Babi Yar when you walk around, but that is a topic for another post.

There are also newer, Soviet, structures, that are blocky, large and utilitarian.  Then we have the buildings of the “New Ukraine”, like this lovely building in the second photo.

View of the new structure in our classic old neighborhood

But enough about buildings, here are photos of the kids!Karen is excited to finally have a “baby”, and all she wants to do is touch him and pick him up. She isn’t the gentlest of young ladies, so we need to supervise carefully. She “helped” me feed him today, which she thoroughly enjoyed, even if he was less than thrilled. He likes to have the food literally shovelled into his mouth. He’s been eating a lot, at least 4 full meals a day. I’m wondering at what point it is too much. Any of my international adoption buddies with experience of how much is too much ?

You can see from the thumbnail that Matan looks like he isn’t quite sure if he’s having fun yet.

Big kids watching Saba Tuvia

Classic Mustang, aging chassis

Jan 23rd, 2010
by Zendette.
4 comments
That was what I dreamed about last night, after we completed our escape from Lugansk.  The full body ache of carrying Matan, all 8.5 kg of him, from Lugansk all the way to Kiev was not something this old body is used to.  
I know Tamar warned me, again and again, but a stroller would just have been even more of a hindrance.  I can’t imagine climbing the slippery stairs from tarmac to plane and back down again with anything more than we already had with us.  DH took responsibility for Karen, and all hand baggage, and it was almost more than he could manage. 
It seemed almost like a military mission.  We got the passport, not before a final attempt to convince us it would take another week.  A call to our agency, and we got it same day. 

Goodbye Babyhome

 

Thursday afternoon we picked Matan up from the baby home.  The caretakers all gathered around to wish him goodbye.  I thought I saw a tear or two.  It was clear they were both happy for him, but sad to see him go.  They were happy to take a group shot. 

We spent one last night in Lugansk with him, and flew out of there at 6 am.  To my surprise, Matan managed to sleep, and we made it to the airport, even though our facilitators told us they were worried about us flying in “terrible weather”.  

We were pleasantly surprised by the fact that our 1 hour flight (instead of 16 hours by train), was on a decent sized jet and the flight was smooth as silk with clear skies and a good pilot and crew.  The view was fantastic, white fields as far as the eye could see and a beautiful sunrise. 

View from above - approach to Kiev

 

I think it was an Ebraer jet, and belonged to a small, Ukrainian charter company called Dnieproavia.  Great flight.  But this old body isn’t used to carrying 8.5 kilos for 5 hours – to the airport, thru security and and somewhat against his will while waiting to board.  He really wanted to walk around, but was so tired he was falling all over the place, and putting his mouth on everything, so in my arms it had to be.  

I wasn’t able to update or access Internet from the time we got Matan’s passport until just now.  Everything happened so fast, and we had to quickly pack up 4 pieces of luggage, get the kids, and ourselves a few hours of sleep before leaving.  

Sergey, our driver, met us at the airport and took us to the same apartment in Kiev that we spent or first week in.   Unfortunately, we only got the modem late last night, and it didn’t work.  Needless to say, I was in serious withdrawal, plus I knew family was waiting to hear from us via Skype, this blog, or email.  We had no way of communicating with anyone outside of Ukraine.  

Early this morning, our adoption family buddies, Tal and Sagit, called us, and with some encouragement from them, we managed to get the modem connected.  Bad wires mean we could lose it anytime, so I’m uploading this and will give more details shortly….if it’s still working.  I love you all and miss everyone so much.  We can’t wait to come home!  

In case this was keeping you up nights – how cats spend their day

Jan 20th, 2010
by Zendette.
3 comments

What does your cat do while you’re not at home? It’s a question that has riddled cat lovers since the dawn of time.

Cats with cameras reveal how they spend their day: Gazing out windows 22%. Interacting 12%. Playing 5%. Eating 4%.   Kind of sounds like the pre-parenthood me on a Sunday!

via @factlets Cat camera focus group study of how cats spend their day.

Mystery problem

Jan 20th, 2010
by Zendette.
3 comments
Ukraine_passport_cover

I wish I could write all about it, but I’m at a loss.  I know we have legal custody of Matan and that we’ve completed all the paperwork.  I also understand that there is no problem in creating his passport.  However, for some reason that is a complete mystery to me, we cannot obtain that passport.

Poor Karen has been here now for over a month.  I’m getting really worried about her.  She’s not  talking about being worried, or asking questions about what’s going on.  Karen is queen of all que stions, relevent or not so.  We spoke to our agency director, and I told him I was ready to fly home with her this evening, unless we get some clarity. He said, just wait one more day….and so it goes.

DH went out in the below freezing temps to buy groceries and suddenly, our translator calls.  “We will be there in 2 minutes, we need one of you with both passports, immediately”.  Great.  We have one key to the apartment.  Karen and I are in PJs, and DH is grocery shopping.  I explained that he would be back shortly, momentarily even.  Surprise, as he walks in the door!  I called her back, “He’s here.  He’s on his way back downstairs”.

This is a great development.  It means that something is moving forward.  I have no idea yet what.  When DH gets back, I’ll update with any new info he can provide.

Dear readers

Jan 19th, 2010
by Zendette.
4 comments

I’m just thrilled to see how many readers are actually interested in our story.  I get a country report listing where your IP is located.  I think I can guess who my regular reader in Slovakia is, a good friend and customer, unless I”m mistaken.

I’ve also noticed regular readers in South Africa.  I have no idea who this can be, but I’m happy that our story is engaging enough to bring you back.  I’d love to know who you are, if you aren’t too shy to introduce yourself/ves. 

Today we should be putting in the formal request for Matan’s passport.  It doesn’t look like we’ll make it home by this weekend, but a good chance we will finally make it out of Lugansk with 2 children, and be able to spend the weekend in Kiev.  Then just apostille and visa early next week, and we are ready to board the first plane out of Borispol!

I’ll update as we go….and again, thank you everyone for your support and for reading my blog.  Writing it has helped maintain my sometimes wavering sanity and knowing you are reading is a nice little ego stroke that makes me smile and keeps me motivated to continue writing.

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