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May, 2010:

What’s the buzz?

May 31st, 2010
by Zendette.
3 comments
IsraelNavy-patch

As an Israeli citizen, I can’t just ignore today’s action. However, I’m not sure what my position/opinion is at this point. By the end of today, I will all be a lot smarter. However, I do blame the Israeli government for their handling. I just can’t believe that there was no better way to deal with/head off this situation.

That said, if this happened within Israel’s territorial waters, and if the flotilla did indeed ignore coast guard instructions to dock at Ashdod port, just a few miles from Gaza, so that the humanitarian aid could be checked for weapons, none of this would have happened. So far, both sides have behaved irresponsibly, at best.

Best updates from the Israeli position are being live blogged at Jameel’s The Muqata

All sides are broadcasting on Twitter, as usual.

Ukraine adoption info

May 27th, 2010
by Zendette.
No comments yet
Entrance to Kremenchuk Baby Home

Entrance to Kremenchuk Baby Home

Many of the Google searches that send people here deal with information about specific orphanages in Ukraine.  I originally began blogging Dec. 2009, just before we left Israel to adopt a sister for Karen. When I look again at the posts from the time we were in Ukraine, and the frustrations we paddled through, I can understand why people planning an Eastern European adoption would want to read about our experience.

For those people who are visiting the site to learn about our adoption experience, I recommend you start reading here: http://www.zendette.com/2009/12/02/almost-in-kiev/ It seems that it is rather hard to start at the very beginning of the blog, as I’m missing some navigation links on this new blog, but I think if you start on the link above, you should be able to access the “whole story”, of our trip to Ukraine to adopt a sister for Karen, which eventually turned into a trip to adopt a brother instead.

In addition, if anyone has specific, personal questions about adoption and you don’t want to post in the comments, then feel free to contact me via the contact form.

If you are looking for information on specific baby homes, the only ones we have visited are Kremenchuk, Pryluky and Lugansk Baby Homes.  We did the have opportunity to spend almost a month in Kremenchuk, and even longer in Lugansk.  Our visit to Pryluky was very short, but I was quickly impressed by the renovations done there.  The building was beautiful, but I didn’t have a chance to see what the living conditions were like for the children.

This blog goes into great detail about the Lugansk Baby Home because I was able to record my daily impressions during the month-plus that we spent visiting Matan while he still lived there.   I was satisfied with the care he received since it appeared to be better than the care Karen received at the Kremenchuk  Baby Home.

I have provided far fewer details about Kremenchuk Baby Home since I wasn’t recording my daily impressions in a blog.  I plan to write  at least  one blog post about Karen’s adoption so that I can at least have some written material should she later ask why her adoption wasn’t covered.

We adopted Karen back in February 2007, when she was 2.1 years old.  We spent the majority of the time in Kremenchuk, with only 4 nights in Kiev.  We were totally shell-shocked by the whole experience, and DH vowed he would never set foot in Ukraine again.   I’m glad DH has an open mind and was willing to go back for a second adoption.

If you have specific, personal questions about adoption and you don’t want to post in the comments, then feel free to contact me via the contact form.

The regular

May 23rd, 2010
by Zendette.
No comments yet
Teaching Matan iPhone games

Teaching Matan iPhone games

Another exciting weekend at our place. The kids have been having fun, fun, fun, and still they whine and complain!

Tonight Matan was tired, and perhaps felt alone, not getting any direct attention for a few minutes, so he started banging his head on the floor. He did that during the first week or 2 home, but I haven’t seen it in a long time. I have heard him doing it once or twice within the last 2 months, when he wasn’t happy about bedtime. We seem to have resolved that issue by putting him to bed at the same time as Karen. He doesn’t feel like his missing as much if she’s missing “it” too.

We are very fortunate that the two of them really seem to care about each other. Even our social worker mentioned that Karen seems very tied up in Matan’s welfare. Apparently, she has a general worry that “something” will happen to him.

Matan is now saying a few words, but is somewhat confused by hot and cold, calling them both “hot”. In the beginning, he was confused between “light” and “hot”, since most lamps are hot. But he’s learning and now says “light” and “hot” a lot. Sounds like he’s just practicing saying the words, but I think he’s really excited to say words and have us understand him. He’s excited to be able to communicate.

We had friends over this weekend and their daughter was adopted from Ukraine over a year ago. She apparently still has problems chewing, so I guess I shouldn’t worry too much that Matan eats much better when his food is pureed than when it is simply cut into small pieces.

More photos

May 18th, 2010
by Zendette.
No comments yet
Mmmm, long hair!

Mmmm, long hair!

Here I am, wasting time online when DH took both kids to the playground located across the street from our building. They are visible from our living room window.  We have at least 8 other playgrounds within walking distance of our apartment, so even if we get lazy and fail to make weekend plans, we still have plenty of options in terms of taking them outside and letting them expend some of the energy that builds up in them after more than an hour or two housebound.

This is part of the beauty of living in Tel Aviv.  Life here is so child friendly that you often see older elementary school children riding the bus.  Children Karen’s age (5+) are usually accompanied by an adult to one of the playgrounds, but are then let free to roam anywhere that doesn’t involve crossing a street.  That leaves an enterprising and adventurous little girl to explore wooded areas around the parks.

We really are fortunate to have parks that you can walk in, bike around, and take children to play.  Even though we do live in a condo, with no yard of our own, we make ample use of the public park behind our building for cookouts and picnics.

This is just an intro to more photos, since that seems to be what most people who come here want to see.

The “real” Tel Aviv

May 16th, 2010
by Zendette.
1 comment
TANight

Wanna know what it is REALLY like to live in Tel Aviv? Here is a great ARTICLE

I could have written the opening paragraph:

Here’s the answer to the Arab-Israeli conflict. Not two but three states: Israel, Palestine, and Tel Aviv. Tel Aviv is already a world of its own. Nowhere else in Israel—in the entire Middle East—has such a hedonistic lifestyle, tolerant mentality, and spirited gay and lesbian community. No wonder its nickname, half self-ironic jest, half jealous sneer, is Ha-Buah, The Bubble. I have been visiting Tel Aviv for thirty years, since I was a teenager, and something always draws me back.

Yep, I also spent my teenage summers baking on the sands of Tel Aviv’s beaches.  We partied until late at night in clubs that no longer exist, having long since made way for newer and hipper places that stay open until morning.

Update: I really enjoyed reading Mo-ha-med’s posts about his visit to Tel Aviv.  It is fascinating to see this city through the eyes of an Egyptian.  You can find a list of his  posts from his trip to Israel in the margin of his blog, The Traveller Within

The most exciting, screwed-up country in the world – Haaretz Daily Newspaper | Israel News

May 11th, 2010
by Zendette.
No comments yet
israel-a8y2


The most exciting, screwed-up country in the world – Haaretz Daily Newspaper | Israel News.

Israel is the 30th most developed country in the world. Is this good or bad? Living here, you feel like so much is screwed up, but I guess people feel that way about the beaurocracy of their country. Best thing about Israel to me, centrally located and close to Europe, lots of sun, and fun beaches. Yes, I’m shallow.

And back into the light…

May 6th, 2010
by Zendette.
2 comments
KarenNMatan Smilingfun SM

Yesterday was a very good day for all of us. Matan met with the developmental specialist (MD) at the Center for Child Development. We were originally scheduled for a July appointment, but they have been wonderful about getting things moving quickly for us so that Matan doesn’t get left too much behind.

The doctor spent more than an hour evaluating him, and then another 30-45 minutes talking to me. She believes that his motor skills are a little behind, but not much. Her main concern is improving his language skills to enable better communication. From my experience with Karen, I know that the ability for us to communicate was one of our biggest hurdles in her overall development.

I used the opportunity to also discuss Karen’s issues with the doctor, and she said that we should submit paperwork that includes her name as recommending that Karen be seen. We are now in the process of getting the paperwork completed by Karen’s teacher so we can submit it and start evaluations of Karen. I think they will be able to address her late emotional development. The only issue is how long it will take to get her the necessary appointments and diagnosis. There is usually a 4-6 month wait list. But we have seen how quickly things moved with Matan once he had been seen by the physical therapist. She got everything expedited for him. I hope we get so lucky with Karen too.

Meanwhile, I spoke with our social worker, who has been ill, but will be returning to counseling and will see Karen in 10 days. She is also going to speak with one of Karen’s teachers who has indicated a strong desire to work with the social worker to help Karen. Mind you, this is not Karen’s primary teacher. That woman showed little to no interest in working with our social worker. This afternoon teacher has actually begged me to point her in the direction of someone who can help her help Karen.

I have decided that Karen’s bad behavior in school/gan will not be punished at home. We will talk about it, but I will no longer deny her visits with friends or other after school activities. I want her to maintain as much social contact as possible, even if it is only with the one or two girls who haven’t complained to their parents that Karen hit them, at least not recently.

The dark side

May 4th, 2010
by Zendette.
3 comments
Karen loves watermelon

Karen loves watermelon

We adopted Matan only 3 months ago, and the high has been amazing. But all good things must eventually change, and this week I crashed a bit. It all suddenly seemed overwhelming. I should start thinking about going back to work, but even now, when I’m not working, it seems like I’m giving 100% to the kids and its still not enough.

Matan is being treated by early intervention specialists. So far, we’ve begun addressing his motor skills, which are only a little behind. We won’t get to see a developmental specialist doctor until July. The good news is that his pediatrician thinks he is doing really well.

It’s Karen’s situation that has a black cloud hanging over me this week. She has always been rough, and has had problems with hitting other children in the past, but it is continuing, and not really improving much. Sometimes it seems she’s getting worse.

She understands that her actions are causing her to lose friends and to have her teachers, and us, angry with her. She gets no benefit, but just can’t seem to control her anger. When we first brought her home, she was a very angry little girl. She destroyed anything she got her hands on and often hit and bit me. We’ve come a long way since then, and I can’t remember the last time there was an incident with her acting violently towards DH or me.

But she can’t control her impulses at school. Almost every other day I hear that she pulled someone’s hair, hit, kicked or spat on someone. Often it is the same girl. The teacher tells us Karen is envious of her because she has nicer dresses. On the one hand, one of her teachers tells me that Karen usually acts out in response to someone doing something to her, but just as often, it seems to originate with her. We have been working on this issue with our social worker, but she’s been ill. The sessions we have had over the last 1+ yr don’t seem to have any long lasting effects, although after a series of sessions we did see the physical violence decrease.

I’m afraid that Karen has been using her improved speech abilities to say things aimed at hurting her friends’ feelings. One day a girlfriend came over to play. She didn’t want to play what Karen wanted, and I walked in to hear Karen tell her that she doesn’t want her over and that she wants the girl to leave immediately. The poor girl started crying, and I had to comfort her.

I’ve gotten Karen a referral for a developmental work up, but I’m afraid they won’t be interested in addressing her emotional development. I’ve read that children adopted as toddlers will only have the emotional development of a child the age of the years that they have been with their family. In other words, Karen has been with us for just over 3 years, so the theory says that she has the emotional age, approximately, of a 3 yo.