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January, 2011:

Plug for Dr. Barak and TCM

Jan 28th, 2011
by Zendette.
2 comments

Maybe “plug” isn’t the best term considering the topic. Warning, poop mentioned:
I take back most of what I wrote in the previous post. Sick SUCKS, regardless of where. Matan began clutching his stomach on Saturday. Sunday I took him to the doctor, but since he didn’t have fever or diarrhea, the doctor sent us home telling us to come back if he begins running a fever. He didn’t and on Monday night, we ended up in the ER after calling our insurance and telling the nurse that Matan was bent over and crying in pain.

At the ER, they did x-rays and an abdominal ultrasound. Great news, they found nothing and just gave him an enema for constipation since he hadn’t gone since Saturday. After he filled a diaper, they sent us home. But within hours, Matan was again doubled over and crying in pain. The ER doctor had told us that in toddlers, constipation pains are so severe that Matan was likely feeling pain similar to a woman giving birth. Matan was screaming in pain, on and off, since Saturday night. He hadn’t eaten and threw up a couple of times, but usually a result of my trying to give him baby pain syrup that really did nothing for his pain except maybe cut the screaming down a decibel or two.

We went to our emergency care center, they said it was probably still him getting over the constipation, but they referred us for stool sample to test for parasites. We had no poo, so nothing to test. He spent another night in pain. First thing next morning, we called his pediatrician but he never returned our calls so we showed up at his office around 4 in the afternoon. He checked Matan again, said his stomach was soft and that the ER tests pretty much covered everything. Told us to call him if Matan isn’t improving by the following day.

Needless to say, Matan continued doubling over in pain and we spent yet another sleepless night up with him, trying to treat and distract him from the cramps. By Thursday, we had given up on the ER and our pediatrician, so I called my acupuncturist, Dr. Reuven Barak, a pediatric surgeon by training who today prefers to practice TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine). He agreed to see Matan immediately. In addition to needling, he suggested that Matan may be suffering from intussusception, a condition where the bowels get knotted up, or something similar.

We called our pediatrician for an ER referral, just in case we needed it over the weekend. He heard that we had come from the acupuncturist and told us to go to ER immediately. He didn’t seem happy to hear about the TCM. Professional competition?

Back to ER last night. We redid the x-rays and abdominal ultrasound. Still nothing. We were waiting for the ER dr. to return and tell us the results when all of a sudden, DH began complaining that he smelled shit. I perked up, and quickly checked Matan’s diaper. Yeppers, he made, and made again! Seemed that the acupuncture was kicking in! They released us from the ER after telling us that his tests were fine, and now that he finally poo-ed on his own, the first time since Saturday, he was fine.

We finally got home with Matan close to midnight, Thursday. Five days of either a doctor or ER each day. His stomach has been felt by about 10 doctors. In the end, we didn’t get any treatment at all at ER last night. They released use for two reasons. One, he had a bowel movement that seemed to bring him relief and two, there were no GI doctors in the hospital because they were all at a conference and would only be back on Sunday. Can you imagine, biggest hospital in Tel Aviv and not a single GI guy? Also, with Matan screaming in pain, they couldn’t give him anything except Tylenol.

Where’s the plug? Well, with all these doctors, emergency care centers, ERs and tests, it appears that the only thing that gave Matan relief was his treatment by Dr. Reuven Barak. Dr. Barak is also the only doctor who gave us any idea of what other possibilities there might be. No other doctor deigned to even speak to us beyond the absolutely necessary questions they need to complete their forms. The age of formulaic medicine and protocols that don’t bother looking at the individual patient. He is a genuine healer, and it doesn’t matter if he’s using eastern or western medicine. He also adores children, and is quite comfortable telling parents they’re idiots but always focuses on the child and what is best for him/her.

You can learn more about Dr. Barak by visiting his blog. He’s treated me for migraines, among a host of other problems. Even DH, who was more than skeptical when I first began treating, became a believer when Dr. Barak helped him with a problem a few years ago. After his his help with Matan, DH was upset that our pediatrician was so dismissive since it is only the TCM that helped us in the end.

Thru lunch today, Matan has eaten almost normal quantities of food and wasn’t grabbing his stomach and crying in pain. He even gave us another delivery this morning. Nothing like a nice healthy poo to start the day!

After lunch he began showing evidence of pain, holding his stomach, but no screaming. Dr. Barak told us to call him at home tomorrow (a Saturday) to update him about Matan.

Sick ain’t so bad

Jan 24th, 2011
by Zendette.
1 comment

Although the insurance companies, via the media, assured us that there were enough flu shots available, when I tried to get an appointment last week, was told they are out of stock, and to try back in two weeks. Meanwhile, Saturday, Matan came down with a stomach virus, DH’s back went out, and he can barely walk, and I haven’t slept in more than 45 minute intervals since Friday night. Each time Matan falls asleep, his stomach ache wakes him within an hour.

But I’m not complaining. This time last year we were just flying back from Ukraine. I had taken a box of medicines, including several rounds of antibiotics for a range of infections. At the time, the Ukrainians were so afraid of swine flu, we saw very few children out and about. Karen was an anomaly, shadowing us everywhere. We took every opportunity to get out of the apartment to keep from going stir crazy. I can’t imagine how Russians manage to stay in their tiny apartments all winter, hunkered down with a family, including grandmother living in a one bedroom. The great news was that we had all our winter medicines still boxed up on the flight home. I’m willing to pay now for having our health while we were stuck in that sinkhole with no access to an acceptable level of modern medicine.

I was so worried that Karen would get sick before her birthday party, I vowed not to complain of any viruses for the rest of the year. We made it healthily through her big day, so now I really can’t complain. I’m home, not working, and available to care for them night and day. Now if we can just get through Karen’s try outs today with her still healthy, but I’m not complaining. Somehow, I feel very fortunate. Then again, I’m not the one with the stomach virus.

The religious politics of parenting

Jan 22nd, 2011
by Zendette.
6 comments

After getting home late from a birthday party, K parked herself in front of the tv while I got Matan ready for bed. I admit to negligence. Without me noticing, Karen began watching King Arthur. It wasn’t the Disney version. Bedtime brought crying and fears about war. She’s never brought it up before, and tonight she asked me what will happen if King Arthur doesn’t come back to save us. Found myself telling her not to worry, we weren’t waiting for King Arthur, and the Messiah will save Israel. I don’t even know where I was coming up with the bullshit I spewed at her in a vain attempt to calm her fear about “what if war comes to Israel”. What if? As if. And for the record, I hold a generally Buddhist view of life and death, and have absolutely no faith in a Messiah. Buddhists believe in saying it like it is, and not holding back the painful parts. But how much do you tell a child who doesn’t have the training to deal with the reality of suffering? My instinct was to protect her from worrying about war and “what if my friend’s big brother dies in the war?”. The boy is 9, and in scouts. He is years away from army service, but Karen has heard that scouts prepares you for the army, so assumed it meant he was military, in some way. It’s amazing how children build entire stories out of the little bits they hear. As a kid, I remember hearing about guerrillas, the terrorists of the early 70′s, and thinking they were talking about zoo animals. Took me years to figure that one out.

This is a hard topic to discuss with children in Israel where they have all been drilled in civil defense protection and war is a reality.
I know of many children affected by the wars and terror attacks, but during the height of the Second Intifada, we were still childless. Even in 2005, with the Lebanon war when DH’s family came to stay with us for a few days when the Haifa area was shelled, we didn’t have children. While we saw the pain of nephews who experienced the ground shaking missiles hitting nearby, it didn’t seem real to me. Somehow, having my six year old worry that war will come to us (her words) made everything suddenly clear, yet unexplainable. I was tongue-tied. What do you say to a six year old, when she is likely to hear at some point of military events within spitting distance. Considering history and the current dis-ease in the Middle East, there’s a pretty good chance she will eventually also suffer through the panic of hearing the explosions of missiles.

I no longer know what to say to adults about the possibility of war, and the vain hope for peace, so how on earth to explain it to a child in a meaningful way?

Yes, I know that Palestinian families face even harder explanations for their kids, but I don’t have first hand experience. I can only write what we experience. I’ll leave Palestinian bloggers to write their half.

Spam, spam and yet more spam

Jan 21st, 2011
by Zendette.
No comments yet

Spam seems to be my primary visitor these days. I’ve come under an unrelenting spam attack that has been ongoing for at least two weeks. Would be very interested to know if other bloggers have experienced same. I use Akismet, and it used to block as spam comments that it is now placing for moderation. The majority seems to be coming from one source that changes it’s name slightly from time to time, but usually has a variation of “John” or “Jonn” in his name. Posts huge comments full of drug ads. I’ve got nothing against pharmaceuticals, but no interest in advertising them on my blog.

If anyone else knows what to do about this much spam, maybe a tweak for Akismet, I’d be very grateful.

Where did our oppositional behavior disappear to?

Jan 16th, 2011
by Zendette.
3 comments

That’s what everyone is asking. To be more specific, Karen’s teachers are amazed at the difference in her since last year. She has become more polite, less aggressive, and is actively working to repair relationships which she damaged in the past by her behavior. This according to Karen’s primary teacher. She and one other teacher attribute the changes to our work with a psychologist, who we began seeing September of this year. Before that, we were working with our adoption social worker, but by midsummer, it became obvious that Karen needed more professional intervention.

I also think that we, as parents, have made a difference. We work really hard to give positive feedback, and to be consistent with rules. It’s hard, and we make a lot of mistakes, but we do our best. Karen is such a joy to be with when she’s not being oppositional. She’s so warm and loving. She adores us, and Matan even more. Sure, they fight, and she can be pretty awful to him, but she loves him, and woe unto anyone who hurts him!

We’ve always had ups and downs with Karen. There have been other times when we’ve hoped her behavior issues are behind us. But all in all, some of what we see as bad think her bad behavior is behind us. Her teacher told us that although Karen has changed, people still see her as the “old” Karen, and it will take time for parents and some of the children to realize that she just isn’t the same child anymore.

She does still act out, but I’ve found that she is most likely to be difficult right after I pick her up from kindergarten. I think she works really hard to behave there, and once she’s with me, she needs to relax and let go of the pressure to self discipline so strongly. Maybe it’s a good thing that she feels able to regress with me. She usually snaps out of it once she’s had some time to relax, or engage in another activity like her gymnastics class.

Ronny, the saint who saved our birthday party

Jan 15th, 2011
by Zendette.
No comments yet

Just a short plug for Ronny our fairy godmother of successful birthday parties. She’s experienced, young, and loves kids. She spent time getting to know Karen, and asked me a lot of background questions. She was super organized and helped me organize my own, “to do” lists for Karen’s sixth birthday party. If you are in the central region and want someone to host a small group of up to 20 kids, give her a call. She can do various themes appropriate for both boys and girls. Here’s her card.
Ronny_childrens_party

Making the cut

Jan 12th, 2011
by Zendette.
No comments yet


Karen’s gymnastics coach called last night to invite her to try out for the national league. Karen will be one of the youngest. Most girls start in elementary school, and Karen is still in kindergarten. The coach said that until now, she hadn’t felt that Karen exhibited the maturity necessary to make a commitment to working out twice a week for 1.5 hours each time. I’m thrilled that not only are Karen’s teachers telling me that she has matured significantly this year, but her coach thinks she’s mature enough to join a team of older girls – and begin competitive gymnastics!

I talked to Karen about what this means for her. She will have even fewer afternoons to visit friends. She understands that she is free to continue her once-a-week gymnastics without committing to a more rigorous training schedule. I don’t want to push her, but I also don’t want to hold her back from something she enjoys and which has been very good for her in terms of channeling her energy and competitiveness. Karen seems to completely understand her options, and said that if her coach wants her to do it, then she wants it too. While I don’t want to be a “stage” mom, I can’t help but think of Nadia Comaneci and Olympic glory.

A party of fairy princesses

Jan 10th, 2011
by Zendette.
1 comment

A couple of weeks ago it was the tooth fairy, and this week we had a visit from The Birthday Fairy, Ronny. Ronny used to teach Karen English, but has done children’s parties, on and off for several years. I already knew that Karen had good chemistry with Ronny, and she turned out to be a fantastic choice for our party.

One thing we’ve learned is that a complete surprise doesn’t always sit well with Karen, so I “leaked” some details to her. She knew I had planned for a fairy to visit her birthday party. She also helped me by handing out the invitations at kindergarten. We invited only the girls, which kept the number of participants to a reasonable 10-14 girls.

Ronny, decked out in fairy gear, showed up a little early so she had time to play with Karen and get her warmed up by giving her an overview of what games they would be playing. Karen clearly recognized Ronny, and told me she knew all along because she had overheard one of my phone conversations. By the time the girls started arriving we were all starting to relax. DH was the most stressed out, as usual. Biggest fear of all parents > no one will show up. All but 2 girls attended, and some of them came up to me on Monday to tell me how much fun they had.

Ronny managed the whole event, leaving DH and I to putter around with bringing out the cake, filling juice cups and generally hovering and taking photos. Unfortunately, the photos this year came out terribly. My new camera does not appear to like taking indoor shots. I should ask DH for a new one for my birthday, and pass this one on to Karen. She really loves taking pictures, and would love to have her “own” camera.

The theme included lots fairy magick. Ronnie lost the fairy magick and the girls had to complete several steps to return the magick. They made wands out of bread sticks covered in chocolate which they each decorated with all different colors of candy and sparkles. We had a pinata at the end. It was lots of fun, but was the only time we had a minor meltdown. We’re doing really well with only ONE meltdown on her sixth birthday. For number four, we must have had at least 4-5.

All in all, a success. Now we can begin worrying about what to do next year…..ideas always welcome.

Birthday just around the corner, not mine silly!

Jan 5th, 2011
by Zendette.
3 comments

Fairy of Purim Past

Less than two days until Karen’s SIXTH BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!!!
We adopted her just after her second birthday, so her first party was her 3rd. Each year it’s a balancing act between giving her the spectacle she thinks she wants, and the small size that she needs in order to retain some semblance of sanity. She is easily overwhelmed by too many people, noise, and the unexpected.

We’ve told her the bare minimum to help her get to the starting point relatively intact. She knows it will be a “Fairy” party and that her own personal fairy will be attending. She’s big into the fairy theme since losing her first tooth and getting a surprise present in exchange for her tooth. But she has already voiced skepticism and thinks I may have planted the gift. But then I pointed out that her tooth was missing, and so the tooth fairy MUST have taken that. She seemed to buy it, but maybe she just wanted to spare my feelings. She’s very wise, and notices all kinds of small details that she will use months later!

So we’ll be having a Real Live Fairy manage the party, which takes a lot of the pressure off us. We’ve got pretty much everything prepared. This year will also include a pinata. Fortunately, they are now fairly easy to buy at local party stores. We bought a rainbow design. They didn’t have fairies. Girls will arrive and begin decorating their own set of fairy wings. Later they will also make magic wands out of breadsticks and melted chocolate. The girls will have a mission, to help the fairy find her lost magic. I love our fairy, and Karen has good chemistry with her – she was Karen’s English teacher 2.5 years ago. Did I mention, I’m VERY excited. Please, please let everyone stay healthy, at least until Friday night….