This week the kids seem to be on an even keel. Almost a sense of normalcy even with all the work we’re doing to help K, and with her stuff at schhool going on in the background. Both kids are in the process of getting all their evaluations so we know what direction to aim for in the coming school year.
Matan is continuing with psychological and speech evaluations to present to the municipality so he can get into speech school next year. He just restarted his speech therapy after a short break. He’s really come a long way but the benefits of the speech school go beyond just speech, and should help him close the gaps in his overall understanding of the world so he’s ready to rejoin his peers in kindergarten or first grade.
We’re now halfway thru the process of finally getting a full psych work-up on K to rule out any serious issues. The school wants it, and frankly, so do we. We need some advice “from above” about whether her therapy is doing enough good or whether we should change focus somewhat. Maybe we need to direct more attention, as so many have advised, to sensory integration treatment along with her existing therapy to work on emotional issues. K’s really an excellent student, and takes her homework responsibilities seriously. Her report card was excellent, except for behavior. We have no room to complain at all. That’s why it’s so hard for all the “professionals”, from school to private therapists, to understand why her behavior is so extreme. She’s going to incredible lengths to moderate her behavior during class time, but still loses it during “down” times like breaks and those small spaces before class starts. She also has few, if any, behavioral issues during the after school sports she loves. The coaches are tough and gruff women. K clearly responds well to a caring, but very structured environment. School is often neither.
Glad to hear things have settled down somewhat, it is so hard to make decisions from places of fear or when things are topsy turvy. Maybe one of the reasons why the professionals have had such a hard time making progress with Karen is because she is not your typical child with behavior problems. I think you rarely see a child with a stable home life, not going through a crisis with an excellent academic record have such problems handling anger.
I know it is tough and I know you are but I do think you have to be grateful that Karen is doing well at so many things, her academics and her sporting endeavors. She is clearly a child with a lot of abilities and talent and while of course you want to get a handle on her anger and I am by no means saying this is not a big issue, it’s great that she does have things she excels at.
Dana, you are so right, and in fact, whenever I consider the problems we’re having, I position them against what she is doing so well. The fact that she is good at many things gives us the opportunity to give her a lot of positive reinforcement. One would think that that alone would be enough to turn her around.
Sadly, I’ve been observing her anger fits more closely the last few weeks, and I’ve also questioned her extensively. She wants to change, but can’t control her outbursts. I watch her get angry at seemingly nothing, and begin to simmer and boil over. I can see her anger at herself for not being able to control it. I even once confronted her about half of her anger being at herself for not being able to control it. She admitted she got angry at herself. All this leads me to wonder if all those pushing the pills approach may not have a valid point.
If she wants to control, but after 2 therapists in 3 years of onging treatment seems to have no better control than a 4 year old, perhaps it requires chemical intervention. I just don’t know. We started out saying “never” to meds, but we may have to rethink if the psychiatrist feels that it’s the only way for her to have better self control. I don’t even know what they give for that sort of thing. She doesn’t have the classic ADD/ADHD that all the kids taking ritalin seem to suffer from. I don’t want any heavy relaxant that’s going to turn a vital and energetic child into a dumb zombie. But I’ve got to believe that there are other options out there today. Apparently most of the children at the special school are heavily drugged to the point of zombiness. I can’t picture K in that environment. Maybe there is something that can just give her that extra push to help her modify her behavior. Perhaps it can also give us the breathing room to explore alternative treatments like occupational therapy, which we’d need to do privately at this point. We just can’t do the private therapist and the occ. therapy. No time, no bandwidth, and no budget!
I know what you mean, about the time, bandwidth and budget. You want to do everything for your child but there are limitations and you always fear it is because you have limitations that your child might not get precisely the thing she needs, it’s one of my biggest worries but I just try like hell not to start down that road.
About drugs, I am no expert as no one has ever recommended drugs for Maya and we are also anti drug as well, although if Maya were in a more extreme situation I would consider it.
It’s tough, there is so much information and mis-information out there and so many pov’s on each side of the argument. I think this is definitely something you should talk over with the psych and see what he thinks. Yes, you have been down the therapeutic road without a lot of change in Karen being able to control her anger in a sustainable way and I know as a parent you want something, anything to change.
I am not an expert on what drugs are out there and for what, certainly there is more than just Ritalin out there but you have to be prepared if you go down that road that all these types of drugs carry side effects (for which we don’t know the long term health effects of since anti psychotics and anti depressants are not tested on children during clinical trials) and it is possible that even if you find something that will help curb Karen’s outbursts it might curb other things as well, things that you don’t want curbed). Also there is a lot of trial and error with meds, some cause strange reactions or it takes a while to get the dosage right.
My personal opinion here, but it is not my opinion that counts, is that you have not exhausted enough options to consider meds. Meds to me is a real last resort, when nothing else will work. Once you go down the road of meds it is tough to get off and it might have a negative effect on those things which are positive in Karen’s life, her academics and sports.
At any rate if meds get on the table be damn sure you know what they want to put her on, find out everything about it and talk to some parents whose kids are on it to find out about it.
I’m just going to throw this in from left field but have you considered any dietary intervention for her. I have read on several autism sites that there have been studies linking aggressive behavior with nutritional deficiencies, things like iron deficiencies, thiamin, niacin, tryptophan, etc. I don’t really know much about it but maybe it is something you can look into.
As I mentioned elsewhere, we had the good fortune to be introduced to Moshe Elbaum. He developed a method for treating children with a variety of learning and behavioral difficulties. He did wonders for my gf’s son. She recommended him over a year ago, but we only just went today, finally. He has a non drug regimen and I think he’s looking forward to working with Karen. He spent three hours with the two of us this morning. He’s fine with her continuing therapy in addition to the work he will do that includes addressing her sensory integration problems. He also gave me some very personal insight into my daughter. I don’t want to say “amazing” after only one meeting, but I’m hoping this will at least add to our arsenal, even as it depletes our pocketbook.