What a week. I bounced between hopelessness that K’s improvements were transitory and could suddenly disappear; and bliss to learn that two of K’s classmates wanted to make plans with her this week. These are not girls she’s known for three years of pre school and kindergarten, like almost half the girls in her class. These are “new” girls, whom she only met at the beginning of this school year.
K’s teacher reported that she’s been making a lot of effort to repair friendships with other girls, many of whom she had alienated, if not by directly hitting them, then by scaring them off during her anger spells. We finally had a chance to invite K’s last play date over after school, and things went well. Some tension arose when K felt the other girl was “winning” at a homework assignment they were doing together. I separated them to complete the homework, and then all was well. The girl was quiet and polite, a real joy.
Then we get reports that K made a great impression on both her teacher and parent chaperones during their annual class trip on Thursday. And if that wasn’t enough for one week, this morning another girl’s mother called to tell me her daughter really wanted to invite Karen over. Apparently they are both strong girls, and had had a run in at the beginning of the year. But to see them together today, one would assume they were long time best friends. Such is the social life of the normal first grader. Could this mean we’re finally entering the realm of a normal 7 year old? I don’t need boring normal, just manageable would be nice.
That’s great Lita, you are doing such a wonderful job and even though there are set backs they are fewer and farther between. That’s PROGRESS! Think about several months ago when Karen was totally isolated and now she has 2 friends! xoxoxoxoxox
Dana, thanks so much for commenting, even as you rush to make your flight to Madrid. Tiny bit of envy, although a work trip is the last thing I’d want right now.
Yes, we do feel like she’s made incredible progress. I don’t know how much of the credit we deserve, just hanging in there and trying to be as supportive as possible while still maintaining boundaries. Not easy for any parent. She’s the one doing all the work. Maintaining her composure during a day full of school and the irritations inherent in playground behavior during break time, usually her most vulnerable space.
While she seems happy to have new friends, she doesn’t seem overwhelmed by it. It’s almost as if she’s afraid to care too much. Don’t forget that this is a child who took ages to trust us, and attach to us. She’s not going to trust her own ability to maintain friendships, nor will she trust others to remain her friends, very easily. But she continues to be generous to other children at the playground, even those she barely knows. Granted, it’s usually those who are younger or who are otherwise more likely to look up to her.
We really hope she can begin second grade in much better shape, and get more out of her next school year.