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Elbaum Method

Play date success

May 5th, 2012
by Zendette.
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To put an end to the suspense, the play date went well. The girls even did their homework together before I picked her up later in the afternoon. But in the days since, K’s been acting up at home and she’s had some minor issues at school like writing on her shoes during class, etc.

She’s also almost completely stopped doing the excercises that Moshe Elbaum gave her to do on a daily basis. I’m wondering how much having stopped them is causing the apparent backsliding in her behavior.

I’ll need to reread the chapter in Elbaum’s book, “Intelligence-Integration” on overcoming resistance to training. The book is an amazing resource with step by step instructions on how to do all the exercises he’s developed for various learning and development problems faced by both children and adults. I highly recommend his book.

Spring is here and all is well

Apr 17th, 2012
by Zendette.
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K has become my best angel. She’s rarely angry and hasn’t had any problems with violence, verbal or physical, in the last month. More than that, her language has changed completely. She speaks politely most of the time and is much more open to talking about her feelings, and asking me about mine. Of course she still gets frustrated, but deals with it in a more logical manner. She tells me that she uses some of the tools she learned from Moshe Elbaum and from her therapist.

With Passover, both kids were on vacation for 10 days. But before and since, I continued to get almost daily reports from both teachers and other mothers that Karen has been polite, helpful and most importantly, not angry or destructive. She’s even changed her manner of dress. Where once she wore only sweats and usually had them stained and torn by the end of the day, she’s now wearing skirts and tights with pretty shirts and staying much cleaner. It’s as if 85% of all the negativity she had been carrying with her forever, has just dissipated, leaving a sweet, but very independent first grader.

As her behavior has improved, we have granted her more privileges and independence. She has always wanted to do things on her own. In fact, some of her first words were, “me, alone”. In other words, she would stop me from helping her dress, bathe, etc., as a 2 year old, and yell at me, “me, alone”, she wanted to do it all alone, with no help.

Now that she’s in school, and sees the older kids arriving on bicycles and scooters, she also wants to ride her bike to school. It’s not far, but there are 2 street’s to cross, and several driveways. We weren’t keen on allowing it, not just because we felt she wasn’t responsible enough to stop and walk the bike at cross walks, but also because we didn’t want the bike at school to cause more behavioral issues.

Now that she has succeeded in conquering her behavioral problems for almost 2 months, with only one week of problems more than a month ago, we decided to let her ride the bike and lock it up at school, then ride it home. Of course we “shadow” her in the car, initially to make sure she was being safe, and now just because it makes her feel better to know we’re near by, even if she is doing it all on her own. And guess what? She’s showing incredible levels of responsibility in safety. I told her the more responsible she behaves the more freedom she will get. But how much more freedom is it safe to give even the most precocious and well behaved 7 year old, no matter how responsible?

Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles

Mar 28th, 2012
by Zendette.
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K’s anger seems to have nearly disappeared! She is currently in several new treatment situations, so it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what’s working, but the girl has done an amazing change job on herself.

I have rarely seen her angry at all in the last two weeks, and when she does get upset, she gets over it quickly, once I get her to see things rationally. In the past, she wouldn’t have listened to any attempt on my part.

She’s still super energetic, although she’s spent less, overall time doing sports activities in the last month, but that may be due to all the therapies. She still maintains her practice schedule, and has been responsible about doing her homework. She’s more polite, less abrasive, and uses more tact. While I know she still has a long way to go, the school has also noticed the marked change. The aggression seems to have withered up and is dying. But not quite dead yet, I’m sure.

School conference, check

Mar 6th, 2012
by Zendette.
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Yesterday we had our second school conference with the admin, school psychologist, Karen’s teacher, and her school counselor. All report an improvement in her behavior for the last 2 weeks, but they reminded us that we’ve seen such short term improvements before, and while encouraging her and giving her lots of positive reinforcement, we should also be prepared for the inevitable backslide.

They also pinpointed that most problems occur during breaks and transitions between classes. Their job is to make more of an effort to follow her during these crucial periods. Her teacher also advised that she is an outstanding student, and even perhaps too much of a perfectionist. Apparently she becomes very angry when she makes a mistake or doesn’t write something nicely enough. Her handwriting is very good. She is especially good at math. The entire school team feels that K does not have a problem with ADD/ADHD. They all agreed that her acting out was due to the sensory issues and internal anger rather than any learning disorder.

Karen is thrilled at her success so far, and really wants to maintain the good behavior. She talks about it a lot, reminding us how well she’s doing. Of course we also give her a ton of positive reinforcement. I have also been spending a lot of time alone with her. We’ve been through similar before, but she’s always eventually reverted back to violence. She says that she often remembers things her therapist has told her, and it reminds her to stop herself before lashing out.

She’s now seeing her therapist twice a week, and Moshe Elbaum once a week. This, in addition to her sports activities 4 times a week. Yes, she’s a very busy little girl, but she doesn’t want to give up on any of it. I allow her to skip sports if she’s tired and doesn’t feel like it, but that rarely happens. She’s very dedicated to success.

We are really grateful that she is doing well in school. I think they have a much bigger incentive to work with her because she’s a good student. Had she been a poor student with behavior problems, they would be a lot less inclined to expend extra resources on her. Her homeroom teacher, to whom Karen has become very attached, has put in a lot of extra work and time to work with Karen. She seems very dedicated to proving that Karen can improve. It’s her first year teaching, and we’re very lucky that she sees this as a challenge rather than a problem. That’s the difference between a real teacher, and someone who is just doing their job.

and then there was Hope

Feb 27th, 2012
by Zendette.
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Somehow, things feel a little looser this week. Perhaps it’s because I took Karen to Moshe Elbaum for an evaluation. He’s treated thousands of children with sensory integration issues, as well as learning and behavioral problems. He was amazing during our initial evaluation. He totally “got” Karen, something it’s taken me years to do. Most people, even professionals, tend to assume a lot, and often get it wrong. He saw right through her, and told her straight up what he thought. He spoke to me with her present at all times and put her through some coordination exercises.

When I returned Karen to school, I mentioned to the principal that we were very late today because she had an evaluation with “a guy named Moshe Elbaum”. The principal was suitably impressed at the mention of his name, and said she didn’t realize he was back in Israel. Apparently he had been practicing in the US for almost 20 years before returning to Israel. I discovered that he is very well respected among educators in Israel, where he did his initial clinical trials.

So now we add Moshe Elbaum’s Method to our repertoire. She will of course continue with her therapist, to whom she’s become very attached. And of course Judo and tennis, twice a week each are also therapeutic for her. Next week we have a conference with the school. I think they will feel compelled to continue doing all they can, now that a well known personality in Israeli educational circles is treating our daughter. Name dropping can never be overrated.

A friend suggested I have Karen evaluated by Elbaum more than a year ago. I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to just do it. I would wallow and talk about how guilty I feel, but I don’t. I’m only sorry we didn’t get evaluated a year ago, before the harsh reality of first grade.