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Ukraine

Finally, K’s missing adoption photos, for real this time

First I teased. But now I am posting the photos of our first few weeks in Ukraine in January/February of 2007, when we first adopted the big K. The second set of photos was posted last year, here. I only just found this set of negatives during our move. We didn’t have a digital camera with us, so the photos were 35mm.

We spent the first three days in Kiev waiting for an appropriate referral. After spending two full, grueling days sitting side by side trying to look like Time’s parents of the year, we were exhausted, depressed, and DH was completely unable to keep anything down. After the inconvenience, we were lucky to have a great facilitator who drove us all the way from Kiev to Kremenchuk, where K’s baby home was located. It’s about a 4-5 hour drive.

The photos show her evolution from a closed and distrusting little girl with a hard face, to a more open and happy look once she began getting used to us. She’s even more open in the second roll of film, which I posted here.

Edited to add: photo of a caretaker holding Karen. What makes it interesting is to notice that there are toys, a television and a transistor radio in the background. Although broken, the toys are mainly for show. Likely the TV as well. Most likely the radio was used to provide music. We noticed that both Karen and Matan really enjoyed music. In fact, it’s one of the first things that could hold their attention when they each first came home. We think they were both exposed to music, and it was probably one of the main sources of sensory stimulation.

Ukraine Photos 2007, finally!


I fully intend to post photos of our new home, but meanwhile, our move turned up a roll of film I’ve been hunting for over two years. When we adopted Karen, we didn’t have a digital camera, so I brought my 35mm Olympus. I took two rolls of film. The first I developed in Ukraine, and the second I developed once we were back in Israel. Last year I posted the photos from the second roll. I looked everywhere, but couldn’t find the negatives from the first roll we developed in Kremenchuk, Ukraine while we were still enduring the extensive legal process of getting Karen released.

Well, here it is, the roll of film. Now I just need to get it to the photo store and have them transfer the photos to digital format on a disc. Then, I promise to post them, along with more adventures from Karen’s adoption.

Moving forward post adoption – behavior and development

Great day! We finally met with the school psychologist who decides if Karen is ready for first grade. She got 2 thumbs up both for her cognitive abilities, as well as significantly improved behavior. Her teacher told us that she doesn’t have attention problems, except once she gets bored with something, or has it figured out in her head. Sometimes she doesn’t complete her work if she feels she already “gets it”. We also heard that on Family Day, when children discuss their home life, she proudly told the entire class that she was born in Ukraine and that she didn’t come out of her mother’s tummy. According to the teacher, she shared her family story with confidence and in a positive light. I’m really, really proud of her! The teacher told me how she made a big deal about how Karen was “chosen” by her parents. Nice try, but today, adoption professionals advise against this “chosen” concept because it leads the child to question whether we would still love her and have chosen her is she wasn’t so special, cute, pretty, smart, or whatever. In addition, it isn’t true. Truth is crucial to maintaining trust with children who only began to learn to trust after we adopted them. Our story to the children is that we were looking for our daughter/son, and that there were people who helped us locate them so we could adopt them. Which is all true.

Today Matan had an occupational therapy session combined with a speech therapist. The occupational therapist has great chemistry with Matan. It’s been two weeks since she saw him, and she was really impressed with his significantly improved level of play and speech. The slow increase in Matan’s repertoire of words is no thanks to the speech therapist, and mostly due to work I do with him or stuff he learns from other kids at preschool. I’m trying to get us transferred to a different speech therapist since this one has zero chemistry with Matan. I’m thrilled to hear him say new words almost every day now, but he still seems to lack motivation to speak. The occupational therapist is absolutely wonderful, and has had a great influence on Matan, and on how I play with both children.

Sick ain’t so bad

Although the insurance companies, via the media, assured us that there were enough flu shots available, when I tried to get an appointment last week, was told they are out of stock, and to try back in two weeks. Meanwhile, Saturday, Matan came down with a stomach virus, DH’s back went out, and he can barely walk, and I haven’t slept in more than 45 minute intervals since Friday night. Each time Matan falls asleep, his stomach ache wakes him within an hour.

But I’m not complaining. This time last year we were just flying back from Ukraine. I had taken a box of medicines, including several rounds of antibiotics for a range of infections. At the time, the Ukrainians were so afraid of swine flu, we saw very few children out and about. Karen was an anomaly, shadowing us everywhere. We took every opportunity to get out of the apartment to keep from going stir crazy. I can’t imagine how Russians manage to stay in their tiny apartments all winter, hunkered down with a family, including grandmother living in a one bedroom. The great news was that we had all our winter medicines still boxed up on the flight home. I’m willing to pay now for having our health while we were stuck in that sinkhole with no access to an acceptable level of modern medicine.

I was so worried that Karen would get sick before her birthday party, I vowed not to complain of any viruses for the rest of the year. We made it healthily through her big day, so now I really can’t complain. I’m home, not working, and available to care for them night and day. Now if we can just get through Karen’s try outs today with her still healthy, but I’m not complaining. Somehow, I feel very fortunate. Then again, I’m not the one with the stomach virus.

Karen’s 2007 adoption

I didn’t have the opportunity to blog Karen’s adoption. We had no Internet connection, and frankly, were too freaked out to do much of anything useful. We didn’t have a digital camera with us, and I used an old 35 mm. Just this week I finally put the first set of negatives on a disc to store digitally. Posting some of my favorites here.

We spent 33 days in Ukraine in January/February 2007 to adopt K, then 25 months old. She didn’t especially like me, and interacted better with DH at first. She warmed up to me later.

Ghost of Christmas past

After 10 days in Kiev, we took the overnight train to Lugansk exactly one year ago, on Christmas Eve. Ukrainians celebrate Orthodox Christmas, so nothing was special about this day. In fact, we lost track of time, and I don’t think were even aware that it was actually Christmas Eve. We booked a private bunk and spent the first few hours playing with Karen and getting excited about spending our first night ever on a train. I took a romantic approach, and after going to the samovar lady for tea, sat back and thought of Anna Karenina.

Things started off well enough, but the overheated cabin soon had me go from giggly, to uncomfortable, to raging headache. We finally figured out how to open the window sometime after midnight. I managed a few hours of sleep. Photos are from the first 1-2 hours, when it still seemed like a good idea.

On Christmas Day, we arrived in Lugansk, and went directly to the baby home to meet Matan. Here are his first photos. I originally posted this last year Rakevet Laila L’Lugansk.


Yes, Karen photographed the one of DH and I. She went on to photograph each detail of both apartments we stayed in during our 45 day incarceration.

Ukraine adoption story ebook?

For Ukraine adoption information, this blog is a treasure trove. But I’m not sure it’s easy to find the information adoptive parents may be seeking here.

Yesterday a visitor spent a good amount of time researching adoption via various searches on this blog. My goal in starting a blog was to provide information, in the form of our personal story, for couples seeking to adopt from Eastern Europe. My original blog, www.ukrmom.wordpress.com covers the time period of the adoption. Of course, you can also read the story by going back to Dec. 2009 on this blog as well. The blog starts here. To make things easier, I’ve been considering creating an ebook out of the wordpress.com blog that can be downloaded and read by anyone who wants to know what it was really like spending 45 days in Ukraine, with Karen, during a very cold winter and never knowing from one day to the next, what new obstacle would rear it’s ugly feet.

The final days in Ukraine felt like a military operation. We had to obtain a passport for Matan during a time when Ukraine had run out of passport covers, and new ones would only be available several months later. Many Ukrainians were stuck abroad and unable to obtain replacement passports during this time as well. Then we had to remove a very tiny and frail Matan from the baby home, get him from southern Ukraine to Kiev, get a visa for him to come to Israel, and then get the hell out of dodge.

I’m very happy to answer questions about international adoption, and our experiences if there are couples out there who are looking for information to help them plan their trip, or who may be stuck in Ukraine and wondering if the “problems” will never end. “Problems” refers to our facilitator, who seemed to have a new administrative problem to relay to us each morning. Please, if you have question, you can contact me directly via the contact form here I will not publish any contact forms without your express approval.

Goodbye Zend, it’s been fun

Yesterday was my last day at Zend Technologies, where I spent the last five years selling software to customers all over the world. It’s been a long time in the works, but not something I could blog about, for obvious reasons.

We parted on excellent terms, and I sent out a farewell letter that really made me think about how great an employer Zend has been to support me through both our international adoptions. Travelling to Ukraine for 30+ days with a five year old (Karen) is always stressful. Added to the intense pressure to find a healthy child with whom you can bond and worrying about last minute legal problems that may disrupt the adoption just when you think things are finally almost over, it meant the world to know that both our employers, Zend and DH’s employer, supported us throughout. I don’t know how people manage unless they have a supportive employer.

So kudos to Zend for being a fantastic employer, and for being a leader in the world of open source software development. For me it’s the end of a successful 5 year sales run. I’m almost afraid to try sales for another company. Zend software was a pretty easy sell to companies looking for tools to tune and optimize their PHP based Internet applications.

10 essential items for Ukraine adoption trips

People seem to like lists a lot.   I also remember my panic, even with extensive international travel under my belt, when forced to pack for a trip of unknown duration where I could have found myself stuck in a remote village for more than a month.

Keep in mind that you may find yourself spending lots of time with nothing to do.  You need to stay busy and stay connected since your friends and family provide a lifeline to sanity when you are going through an international adoption.

So here’s my top ten list:

  1. Books – we were unable to find English reading material anywhere, even in major cities.  Pick long books, at least 3 of them.  Some recommendations:      Shantaram ~ Gregory David Roberts;  The Source ~ James A. Michener; World Without End or The Pillars of the Earth ~ Ken Follett; Shogun or Noble House ~ James Clavelle;  An Instance of the Fingerpost ~ Iain Pears.  Please feel free to list your own recommendations in the comments section. You may also want to bring along a book about adoption. I brought Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents~Deborah D. Gray. Links featured below.
  2. Portable DVD player – we took this with us primarily for Karen, but it was nice to have when we rented an apartment with no DVD and no TV in English.
  3. DVDs – you will not find anything in English. All non-Russian movies are dubbed.
  4. Laptop computer – yes it’s a hassle, but we found we were able to get Internet in most rented apartments, after a lot of hassles.  But it was our lifeline.  Since even most  TV cable companies offer nothing in English, we found that the only way we could keep up with news and stay in contact with our support network at home was via the laptop.  We Skyped on a daily basis and kept up on news, email,  blog.  the laptop also served up games for Karen and DH to play.
  5. iPad, if available.  You should even be able to use this to buy ebooks to read in iPad’s great reader options.  Note however that buying items online from Ukraine may be difficult, especially if you did not notify your bank of your travel plans ahead of time.
  6. Quality toys – Fisher-Price, bring from home.  Cheap Chinese electronic toys are readily available at local shops.  Bring at least one toy as a primary gift to your new child.  We found bringing a pack of balloons kept toddlers happy and playful.
  7. A full course of antibiotics for each person travelling with you.  Consult your doctor to determine what will work best for the type of problems you are most likely to encounter.  We took amoxicillin for Karen and Axetil for us adults. Luckily we did not use any of it.
  8. Ensure you have enough money on your Skype account to call freely.  You may not be able to add money later on since credit card transactions originating in Ukraine may be blocked as suspicious.
  9. Xanax and 2 months of any prescription meds you take on a regular basis.  You may find yourself in extremely stressful and emotional situations.  Unless you are completely unflappable in the face of adversity, you will want Xanax as a backup.
  10. Extra gifts, mostly for women.  Especially appreciated are known brands of perfume and cosmetics.  My Dior gifts were very popular.  Although you will already be packing gifts for the baby home director and your facilitator, always have extra gifts available for translators, or anyone else who may be involved in helping you.  Boxes of chocolate can be purchased locally.  These are good for the team of caretakers.

Book links:

Ukraine adoption info

Entrance to Kremenchuk Baby Home

Entrance to Kremenchuk Baby Home

Many of the Google searches that send people here deal with information about specific orphanages in Ukraine.  I originally began blogging Dec. 2009, just before we left Israel to adopt a sister for Karen. When I look again at the posts from the time we were in Ukraine, and the frustrations we paddled through, I can understand why people planning an Eastern European adoption would want to read about our experience.

For those people who are visiting the site to learn about our adoption experience, I recommend you start reading here: http://www.zendette.com/2009/12/02/almost-in-kiev/ It seems that it is rather hard to start at the very beginning of the blog, as I’m missing some navigation links on this new blog, but I think if you start on the link above, you should be able to access the “whole story”, of our trip to Ukraine to adopt a sister for Karen, which eventually turned into a trip to adopt a brother instead.

In addition, if anyone has specific, personal questions about adoption and you don’t want to post in the comments, then feel free to contact me via the contact form.

If you are looking for information on specific baby homes, the only ones we have visited are Kremenchuk, Pryluky and Lugansk Baby Homes.  We did the have opportunity to spend almost a month in Kremenchuk, and even longer in Lugansk.  Our visit to Pryluky was very short, but I was quickly impressed by the renovations done there.  The building was beautiful, but I didn’t have a chance to see what the living conditions were like for the children.

This blog goes into great detail about the Lugansk Baby Home because I was able to record my daily impressions during the month-plus that we spent visiting Matan while he still lived there.   I was satisfied with the care he received since it appeared to be better than the care Karen received at the Kremenchuk  Baby Home.

I have provided far fewer details about Kremenchuk Baby Home since I wasn’t recording my daily impressions in a blog.  I plan to write  at least  one blog post about Karen’s adoption so that I can at least have some written material should she later ask why her adoption wasn’t covered.

We adopted Karen back in February 2007, when she was 2.1 years old.  We spent the majority of the time in Kremenchuk, with only 4 nights in Kiev.  We were totally shell-shocked by the whole experience, and DH vowed he would never set foot in Ukraine again.   I’m glad DH has an open mind and was willing to go back for a second adoption.

If you have specific, personal questions about adoption and you don’t want to post in the comments, then feel free to contact me via the contact form.