We travelled hours over terrible roads and arrived at a tiny town. Unexpectedly, the baby home was amazing. It had wide, well lit hallways and I saw children preparing for Christmas shows in one room. The building appeared to be completely renovated. The physical conditions were fantastic compared to the baby home in Kremenchuk where Karen is from.
But I felt our agency was playing games with us. We requested a girl. Karen has been talking about her little sister and has already given her a name. She told her entire class that her sister was born in Ukraine, and that we are going to pick her up.
At the baby home they introduced us to a girl, but it quickly became apparent that she wasn’t available for adoption. There were a number of legal issues blocking an adoption. She also did not appear healthy and since our doctor had not yet seen her, we had no independent verification regarding health. With Karen, our doctor travelled with us to see her, and examined her in our presence. In addition, the baby home director appeared to be holding out for a much larger “donation”.
Why did they even bring us here? I think they knew it wasn’t a realistic option, but they wanted us to see that they were bringing us all the options (all one of them) for a girl. Now they tell us there is a boy, 1.5 years old, available for adoption and healthy. We will need to fly to Luhansk (Lugansk), a city in the south, along the border with Russia. There is a lot of pressure what with holidays, the ~100 EUR a day that apartment in Kiev is costing us and just being practically housebound with Karen due to the extreme cold (-19 C yesterday in Priluky). Plus, we’re all homesick already. We are sun country people….
What should we do? We’ll have to decide, but I guess you can already tell where we are leaning.
a twice-told tale 
Ah, Zendette, breaks my heart. Tweeted this post in the hopes someone will have some useful wisdom for you.
Thank you my badgery friend, and thanks for linking. I meant to thank you in your own territory, but just haven’t been able yet. I’m sharing the laptop with a 5 year old. If she isn’t using it, she’s bouncing off the walls, so we prefer to let her play online Dora games until she’s Dora-ed out. Things are looking much better today. I’ll try to post later. Stay warm in your part of the great tundra.
I think it’s fine to change criteria for your child, but only if it’s because you have thought it through and you both are ok with the decision. You both, meaning you and Dudi. But I wouldn’t accept any child, boy or girl, just because you are under pressure.
And I wouldn’t leave the decision to a five year old. If she ends up with a brother instead of a sister, it’s not the end of the world. They will interact some, but she will also have her own life, her own friends. The fantasy is much, much more exciting than the reality, regardless of the gender.
But you have to parent your new child for the rest of your life, so make sure it’s what you want.
For what it’s worth, I still think it’s a good idea to meet him, even knowing that it might not be a fit. You might be surprised at how right it feels. And it keeps you in the country, in the process, while the situation unfolds. You are still two weeks away from the holidays. Don’t run now, you will just have to come back another time and deal with the same bullshit, which ultimately might cost you more and be even more pressure.
As far as your agency playing games, you know it’s all a game. They may need to do this for reasons that have nothing to do with you. And remember, you knew going into this trip that there may not be a girl for you just yet.
Hang in there, and don’t forget to breathe.
hey lita
how are you today. thankyou so much for writing in such descriptive detail. we all feel apart of your experiences. I dont know Tamar, but she sounds very wise. i agree with what she said.
try to keep warm. keep on writing. follow your heart.
love judy
Tamar is my sister 🙂
Six months ago it was me giving her advice on her blog!
We are going for the boy…..but are stuck in Kiev until our referral on Wednesday. Holidays….ugghhh. It’s -16 C!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Lita,
I am new to your blog, but have enjoyed reading it. I think what you are doing is really amazing, and I agree also with Tamar, you and Dudi need to make this decision. Karen will be happy either way as long as you love her through it.
Please do post more when you have time.
Thinking good thoughts for you!
Dana